Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Hairjutsu
by Silent Angel 1291
Summary: In short, Tenten writes a book. And Neji and Lee find it. NejiTen, ShikaIno and others. Please just pretend that Naruto and Sasuke haven’t left.


Title: Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Hair-jutsu

Summary: In short, Tenten writes a book. And Neji and Lee find it. NejiTen, ShikaIno and others. ONLY HET, for now. Please just pretend that Naruto and Sasuke haven't left.

_January 23_

_We're on a mission and, oh my god, it is **freezing**! And these two guys are just blowing it off like it's **nothing**! And one's in **spandex**! They are out there training and I'm sitting here with every blanket we brought wrapped around me and gulping down hot chocolate and sitting as close as humanly possible to the fire without actually jumping **into** it! We have to get two scrolls from this Ice-jutsu using princess or something for a client who's a Fire-jutsu using princess. I swear I didn't know it was humanly possible to whine that much without losing your voice. She must've had lessons or something. Ugg... if I catch a cold out here, I don't care if it takes them away from fighting all of the one through nine-tailed demons attacking our village, they are taking care of me! Curse them for not packing more blankets..._

_Tip #983: If it's going to be cold, pack your entire closet. Take all the blankets in the house. Then steal all of your friends stuff. And, if one of your teammates is like Jay, say you have the flu and don't go at all. _

_Oh and did I mention that Jay almost knocked me into a pond of ice water earlier today? I would've fallen in, to, if Shadow hadn't caught me. So much for my super-fast ninja reflexes._

Tenten sighed as she closed her pad of paper and set it atop of the growing pile that she'd been hauling around on her back for nearly six months. She had a sneaking suspicion that when her mother had told her that she needed a hobby to keep her busy on missions, writing a book wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind. But, Tenten didn't care. She liked writing. Especially since she could say anything she wanted about her teammates and friends and they'd never know! So far, Lee had turned into Jay, Neji into Shadow, Ino into Lilly, Sasuke into Prince, Sakura into Cherry, Shikamaru into Einstein, Naruto into Hikari, Hinata into Sunny, and Garra into Ra.

She knew that, if anyone got from Konoha a hold of the book, once it was printed, they would immediately know exactly who it was if she included all of the Rookie Nine, so she tried to only use what people were necessary to make the book fun and interesting. She had started it just before the Chunin exams started and she thought that, maybe after just three more months the book would be ready to sell. She couldn't wait! She wanted desperately to see how the general public responded to her situation and life. She also wanted to see how many people thought she was making this up. There was no doubt in her mind that people's imaginations would wander and come up with outrageous plot lines for her and her friends. She'd recently discovered Fanfiction and was more exited than ever.

She fell asleep quickly, causing Neji and Lee much frustration when they had returned, seeing as she had all the blankets and managing to pry even the smallest teddy bear from her grasp without taking her or part of her body with it once she dosed off was an amazing feat in itself. Even for the **Hokage**.

_

* * *

June_

"OH MY GOD! TENTEN! YOU HAVE TO READ THIS! IT'S MY NEW ABSOLUTE FAVORITE BOOK!" Ino yelled, shoving a book into Tenten's hands. Tenten took one look at the cover and gave it back to Ino.

"I've already read it."

Ino looked put out for approximately one point three seconds before shoving the book into Neji's hands. "Fine! You read it! It's not just for girls, you know. Shikamaru, Naruto, Sasuke and even Shino said it was funny. And Shino never says anything!"

Neji looked at the title and raised an eyebrow. "Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Hair-jutsu: A Guide to Being Both a Ninja and a Girl. One thousand and one tips to survive the hash conditions of nature, enemies and you're teammates." He flipped the book over and started reading the back. "Includes tips on how to: Befriend the village's resident ice cube. Deal with annoying teammates with even more annoying crushes. Not run for the hills every time your instructor shows up. Help a fangirl friend get over her crush and realize that someone much better has a crush on her. And much more. Critics rave: "Interesting and funny" "Provides a look into the average female ninja's mind" "Fun for everyone, even if you're not a ninja" "Gives boys a reality check on what their female teammates **really** think about"... Sure. I'll read this."

"They say it's going to be the best-selling book since "How to Read a Computer Manual Without Killing Something". After you finish, you've got to tell me what you think. Personally, I think that Lilly needs to wake up and realize that Prince really cares about someone else, her argument with Cherry is stupid and that Einstein really cares about her!"

Tenten sweatdropped and walked away.

_

* * *

July_

"Tenten! Did you hear?" Sakura said, jogging up to Team Gai with the rest of Team Seven. "The author of that book, you know, "Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Hair-jutsu"? SHE'S HAVING A LIVE INTERVIEW! HERE! AND I HAVE NOT ONLY TICKETS FOR THE ENTIRE ROOKIE NINE **AND** TEAM GAI, BUT BACKSTAGE PASSES FOR ALL OF US! Don't you just love me?"

Tenten smiled. "Give my ticket to someone else. I have plans."

"**WHAT**? But this is your chance to meet Neko Leejirock! THE Neko Leejirock! You HAVE to go!"

"Sorry, but I can't cancel them. Give my ticket and pass to Garra-kun, okay?" _"Three days. And then it's the moment of truth." _Tenten though with a smile on her face.

_

* * *

Three days later_

"And here she is everyone! It's Neko Leejirock!" Hinata, Sakura and Ino's jaws dropped as Tenten walked up on to the giant stage in front of them. "Hello, Miss Neko. I'm Lia Haru. Now, I have to ask, is this book fiction?"

"No, actually. All of the things in there really happened, as hard as it is to believe. Yes, we had to deal with demons and Jay really did have to go through surgery that could have ended his career as a ninja. I did change the names of the characters in the book; I didn't want people coming from all over the place and running up to my friends screaming OH MY GOD, IT'S HIM! IT'S REALLY HIM!"

Lia laughed. "Well, since we all know this book isn't fiction, we're wondering: Will the next one be? Do you have plans for a... sequel maybe? Possibly breaking off from this and turning into fiction? I mean, it seams pretty obvious to me that Lilly will never realize that Einstein likes, maybe even loves her or that Cherry will realize that Jay could be just as good as Prince, if she gave him a chance. Maybe a fictional sequel where these things happen?"

"Well, I've been thinking about a sequel, but it defiantly will not be fiction. You see, part of the point of writing this was to prove that sometimes the truth can be as gripping and shocking and full of plot twists and drama as fiction, if not more so. All you've got to do is open your eyes and see it. And as for the girls not realizing things like that, don't be so sure. All of the main characters of my book are here tonight, in this audience! They unknowingly picked up and read a book about themselves, from my point of view! Then they were getting so exited because they were finally going to meet me and I was right beside them all along!"

Lia, once again, laughed. "So, if we say something during this interview, they'll hear it and maybe it'll open their eyes?"

"Maybe. I think that some of their eyes have already been opened. One of the funniest things I seen with them was actually right after they read the book. Lilly, who didn't know I had written the book, said that Lilly, in the book, needed to open her eyes and realize that Prince really cared about someone else, her argument with Cherry was stupid and that Einstein really cared about her! I kept hoping that she'd realize that her advice applied to her own situation, but it never happened."

"Well, we have some callers wanting to ask you some more personal questions. Maybe you should start an advice column in a magazine!"

While they hooked the caller up to the speaker phone, Neji turned to Ino. "Did you bring your cell phone?"

"Yeah..."

"Can I use it really quick?"

"Sure thing... Shadow."

Neji merely shook his head and started dialing on the cell phone.

Meanwhile, the first caller asked her question. "Neko-sama, do you personally think that Sunny and Ra will every hook up? I mean, he seamed pretty concerned during the fight between Shadow and Sunny, but, since he's really demented, he could have just been enjoying all the spilt blood... Add that to the fact that Sunny likes Hikari and, well, their chances are slim to none, but I'm rooting for them anyway! What do you think?"

"Well, I don't know. You're right, their chances do seem slim but, you know... Jay pulled through will a fifty percent chance of dieing and defied all logic by not only surviving but fully recovering **and** getting stronger yet! These are truly amazing people! With them, any thing is possible. Sometimes I see all of my friends doing these amazing feats and defying all logic and human limits and I truly feel like an insect among gods."

The next caller came up. "Is it true what happened on the Valentine's entry? Did Shadow really keep **only** your chocolate after throwing everyone else's away? That just seams a little, I don't know, Shojo Manga-ish to me."

"Yes, he did. However, on White Day, if you remember, he also kept Jay's chocolate and gave us both chocolate, so I just excused it as an act of friendship, not infatuation. I highly doubt that Shadow would show infatuation with **anyone**, especially not me. If he likes anyone, it's probably Cherry. She's a lot stronger than me."

The caller sighed, muttered something, and hung up, letting the next caller take her place. After several more calls, Lia looked at her watch. "Well, we have time for one more caller..."

"...Neko?"

"Yes?" Tenten was startled to hear a man's voice on the phone.

"Did you ever ask Shadow if he liked you back? Your book made it obvious that you liked him a lot more than just a friend."

"No, I never asked him. I didn't want to have him lose whatever respect he had for me as a ninja."

"I guarantee that if you tell him, he won't lose respect for you. He'll probably gain respect for you. And, he'd probably love to be with you. I know I would."

"Well, Shadow's a little... different... He has a complicated past, as you know. That is, of course, what makes it so hard for him to open up to people."

"Maybe so, but what do you have to do with his past? Why would that stop him from opening up to you; you weren't there. You didn't hurt him. You won't hurt him and you've given him every reason to trust you and no reason for him to not."

"Maybe you're right. But, that just means that the ball's in Shadow's court now. He decides what happens and what doesn't. It's out of my power. And I'm fine with that."

"... You know, Neko-chan, I through away the chocolate "Jay" gave me the second I got home and the chocolate I gave him was store-bought. I just didn't want him to feel left out. And now the ball's in your court, ne?"

Tenten's smile grew. "So it is, Shadow-kun."

"Do you think that, if you write a sequel, it'll be more romance-based?"

"Well, my dear sir, that is **completely** up to you."

And the response was a dial tone, the ball once again in Neji's court.

Ino, Sakura and Hinata tackled Tenten in a group bear hug as soon as they got into the backstage area.

The boys fallowed them, Hinata standing up with little coaxing, but it took the other girl's teams to pry them off.

"It all makes sense now. Especially your penname." Shikamaru said. "Neko Leejirock? You were just begging me to shout out the answer. Neko. First, break it in half. That's Ne and Ko. Then, break up the last name into the three words it sounds like: Lee, Ji and Rock. The rest is simple; you keep matching them up until they make words. In the end, you get Neji and Lee Rock, your teammates. You just added the –ko just to make a realistic name." (1) "Also, can you tell me who's who so I can see if I'm right?"

Tenten explained about the names and also why she didn't include everyone.

"That makes perfect sense. It was kind of cool to see myself from another person's point of view. I guess I seem kind of stupid, huh?" Ino said, rubbing the back of her head.

"Stupid? No. Single-minded to the point of recklessness? Oh yeah."

Ino smiled and laughed.

"I like my character!" Naruto cheered.

"Yeah. I kind of picture you as a little brother, you hyper-active little ball of sunshine!" Tenten laughed as she playfully began to tickle Naruto.

Naruto squealed and the chase began. Garra shook his head. "Insane. All of you. Just... insane."

Ino threw a pie at his head (where she got a pie, the world will never know) only to have it blocked by sand, which she chose not to notice. "LIKE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!"

Tenten stopped chasing Naruto, smiled, whipped out a notepad and started writing furiously.

"So... you are writing a sequel." Neji said, coming up behind her.

"Yup."

"Will it be more... romantic?"

"Like I said before, that is completely up to you."

Neji wrapped his arm around her waist. "I'd like that..." He said before he kissed her on the cheek and disappeared. Tenten smiled and blushed before recording everything that was happening on to the notepad.

_

* * *

Next year_

"Life... Love... Drama... A look into the **true** life of a kunichi. Based on the best selling book by Neko Leejirock... Konoha Studios presents... Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Hair-jutsu, A Guide to Being both a Ninja and a Girl, The Movie."

"I decided to write a book that would take me over nine months to finish. Little did I know that those nine months would be some of the most defining months of my life..."

"Staring: Neji and Hinata Hyuga, Lee Rock, Gai Momoto, Garra of the Sand, Ino Yamanka, Shikamaru Nara, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Umazecki, Sakura Haruno, and Neko herself."

"Run! Now! Hurry!"

Coming February 2006

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

_

* * *

September 1_

_Yes! She finally did it! After all this time, Lilly **finally** kissed Einstein! If front of everyone! At the fireworks celebration that marks the end of summer! Oh my god, I swear I did a little happy dance. I wanted to run up to them and shout "CONGRATULATIONS!". Ra actually did do that, just not as loud as I would have. I have a sneaking suspicion that they had been going out for a while now; Einstein wasn't even surprised when she kissed him. It was like he was used to it. Anyway, it took her long enough! I thought that she wasn't ever going to get a clue. But, then again, she's not stupid. Merely single-minded to the point where she won't notice anything except what she's chasing after until you shove it right in her face. And that's what I did with the first book. You know, what really shocked me that, while all the other couple's were kissing (Shadow's not really that comfortable with public displays of affection), I saw Prince looking at Hikari like he **wanted** him. Badly. Oh well. A matchmaker's work is never done!_

_Tip #47: If you're going to poke you nose into other people's business, do it gently and discreetly, so that you know exactly what your dealing with and so that the said people don't notice you nose there until your work is already done._

_P.S.: I don't have any problems people being gay. I really don't. People should keep an open mind at all times. But I can't wait to see the look on Cherry's face!_

* * *

Don't miss a second of it! "Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Hair-Jutsu: The second year" In stores now! And:

Coming February 2006, The Movie!

Coming March 2006, The third book!

And in Summer 2006, you can get tape recordings and videos of interviews with the author! And see what happens in her life that she doesn't put into the books!

* * *

Tenten sighed. The fourth and last book was finally done and in the printers. She could finally get back to her normal life.

The fourth book ended with Ino and Shikamaru getting married and Neji proposing to her at the reception right after she'd caught the bouquet. Yes, the series had taken quite a turn from just the drama that is brought on by missions and teammates and crushes and just being a ninja to quite a little romance story. However, you couldn't live the style that everyone did without having drama. So, having so much romance also upped the drama about ten fold.

She blinked as her computer said that she had an email.

"New author tackling the ninja field. "Love-jutsu" by Sunny Shukaku. On the back: Like every couple, Shadow and Neko had their good times, their bad times, and the times when everybody else wanted to grab one of them and shake them while screaming "GET A CLUE!" Looks like another author is taking part of NJ, GJ, TJ, H-J from her point of view."

Tenten sighed and shook her head. "Hinata..."

* * *

Tenten twitched, for the past month had been full of fan mail begging her to continue the series and now people had even gone so far as to track down her address.

"Listen, I'll continue if two things happen. One: If you guys stop bugging me to and Two: if anything life-changing other than me getting married happens unexpectedly. Okay? Good. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to continue my life."

She shut the door on a few teenage fans that had tracked her down. She didn't mean to be cruel, but she had a life, too! And writing sometimes took away from that. She wanted to hang out with her friends, have fun, be normal. However, most of all, she wanted to have more time with Neji.

"Tenten?" Hinata said, poking her head in the hall. "I really think you should see a doctor. You're really pale, you haven't been eating much and what you do eat, you throw up. I'm really worried and I know Neji is, too, even though he won't tell you himself."

Tenten smiled. Hinata was, after all, a nurse, so if she said that Tenten needed to see a doctor then, by god, Tenten would see a doctor. She hadn't been feeling very well anyway. She walked over to the phone and called to make an appointment with Sakura.

* * *

Tenten slowly walked up to the Hyuga door, replaying the news Sakura had given her in her head. When she walked in the door, Hinata walked up to her. "So? How'd it go?"

Tenten looked up and smiled. "Hey, Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Are you good with kids?"

"...Why...?"

"Because. I'm pregnant."

Hinata screamed happily as she carefully gave Tenten a bear hug and Neji fainted.

Looks like there was going to be as fifth book after all.

* * *

The End

S.A.: T-ten pages... (passes out). Ugg. God, I hate being sick. Just so you know, I wrote this in size twelve font, so it's ten pages to me and only six pages on FF.N. But, it's still long. Yes, I know it's a little OOC, but come on. Oh, and I know that, in Japan, the last name comes before the first but... uh... okay, I know I had a reason for it... but I forget. I'll just blame the sickness.

Alright. The names:

Shadow- Neji just seems like a Shadow to me. Or at least to my sickness-induced brain. It was either Shadow or Spiral (English translation of Neji's Japanese name).

Ra- Egyptian god (of what, I'm not sure).

Sunny- Hinata translates to Sunny Place. Yeah...

Prince- ...Well, what do you think.

Hikari- As far as I can gather, Hikari means light. And what better name for a hyper-active ball of sunshine?

Jay- I blame the sickness.

Lilly- Lilly is a flower. Ino's mom owns a Flower Shop. Plus, I like that name.

Cherry- _Sakura_, Cherry Blossom

Einstein- I'm not even gonna bother to explain.

Neko- Well, Shikamaru explained most of it. It's a more realistic name because Neko means Cat. Yeah, meaning that someone could actually be named that.

1) I'm no expert of Japanese. If the Ne from Neji and the Ne from Neko mean totally different things, sorry. I know they're pronounced differently; Ne in Neji is said like Ne in Neck while Ne in Neko is more like the Ne in need, for those of you who don't know.

Okay, I know I used some Japanese words in here, so:

_-chan_: Indicates familiarity with, usually used for a girl; used for a very small child; used to try and make some one seem smaller or younger, kind of like a "Crybaby!" or "Your such a baby." insult. (Such as when Naruto called Sasuke "Sasuke-chan" and Sasuke got all mad)

_-kun_: Masculine equivalent of _–chan_ (it's more for boys), but it isn't used on small children and it isn't an insult. I think it means "Tomboy" if used on a girl.

_-sama_: Indicates great respect for.

_ne_: One of its many meanings is "right". I don't know any other meanings for it yet.

Okay, sorry for talking so long, but I really can't talk other than a croak so I'm kind of ranting (just a little bit). But, this is only one (and a half) page long... for a ten page long story... I've seen and read longer. Well, I'm done. Hoped you enjoyed the little Japanese lesson! Yes, I was reaching **deep** in to my Japanese-speaking abilities to give those definitions. Bringing you this story caused me to reach in to the deep, dark corners of my imagination and spill its entire contents on to here... Review, please.

_Time it took to write this story: approximately 8 hours. Now, that's just sad._


End file.
